Tips For Effective Reconciliation Meetings

By Paul Mulvihill

Welcome back and I hope everyone is well rested! In today's blog post, I want to explore “reconciliation or restoration meetings” and how we can all adopt a trauma-informed approach to these.

The best restoration meetings are when:

• Staff reflect on their own practice and decisions

• We accept and take ownership of the errors we make. This models to students that we all make mistakes and that it’s ok as long as we take responsibility and learn from them.

• There is a conversation about zones of regulation

• Staff are understanding and acknowledge that sometimes students might not be completely clear on exactly what happened in a situation or what mistake they may have made. This is completely normal if a student perceives that there is threat.

Restorations don’t go to plan when:

• People are talking at each other - instead try to use ‘active listening’ to hear the student out (even if you think they might not be stating facts)

• Staff want a reason from a student, asking questions like: ‘Why did you do this?’ and/or ‘Why do you think I sent you out?’ It is ok for students to ‘not know’ what they have done in order to be referred to the withdrawal room and it is our job to help them understand what mistakes they may be making. 

Some key tips:

Read the student reflection sheet carefully. If they are not up to the desired standard and have been rushed, ask them to complete it again and help them to do so if necessary. This can be a great opportunity to foster a positive relationship with the student.

Consider positive language which is non accusatory, for example, using the phrase ‘I noticed that you were turning around which disrupted the learning’ rather than ‘you were turning around’.

Ms Beckles and Ms Whyte like to start the restorative conversation with a simple, ‘How are you?’ and ‘Are you ready to talk?’ which gives the student an opportunity to explain how they are feeling and in turn will help them to recognise that they will be listened to.

Ms Beckles also likes to sometimes add, ‘Did I do something to upset you?’ This can be particularly useful if a student is in the red zone or has been rude to you.

Ms Taylor recommends the following: 

When having the reconciliation, be curious! Ask questions around 'What zone they were in when they entered the class?' 'When did they enter the red zone?' 'What do you think caused this?'  This helps the students reflect on things that may trigger them in becoming dysregulated, and therefore, helps develop their understanding of how to effectively manage their own emotions. You and the student can then come up with solutions as a pair which work for both of you.